Paulo Coelho

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Author: Paulo Coelho
Title: The Pilgrimage
Time: 1986
Destination: Santiago de Compostela
Length: a few weeks
Type: walking
Rating: 1/10

A lump of dung

How do you rate something that sucks one hundred percent? Oh yeah, you give it a zero.

that “Alchimist” book wasn’t that bad

First things first: I remember it was my friend Ali who recommended PC’s classic “The Alchimist” to me in 1998, and it turned out to be a nice little book. Sure, it might have been a bit overly simple and esoteric, but I didn’t mind, as long as it was fun to read.

Four years later, when I was looking for work in Paris, a Brazilian guy first suggested the possibility that PC might be looked upon as a total douche in his own country. Regardless of the five hundred million billion readers he got in Europe and the States.

what do Brazilians think?

“So Brazilians don’t like him that much?” I asked my new friend. “Hell no,” he answered, “he annoys the fuck out of us.”

So I guess I should have been prepared for anything when I opened my copy of “The Pilgrimage” last week. But I wasn’t.

The book: During the mid-eighties, PC wants a ceremonial sword from some kind of spiritual cult, but they won’t give it to him. Instead, the sword is being transferred to Spain by PC’s own wife, and he is given a guide called “Petrus” to lead him along the Way of Saint James in Northern Spain in order to retrieve it. The two dudes wander around, do spiritual exercises, make conversation with celestial beings, climb up waterfalls and fight gory battles against dogs that have apparently been possessed by demons. In the end, P.C. finds his sword, and everything turns out well.

Paulo Coelho ego-tripping

If there was only a way to convert narcissism into electric currents, this dude would be a global source of renewable energy. There are no other people in this book besides PC, who even mirrored himself in the blabbering character of his guide – so it’s a 2-for-1 deal! Actually, the universe in its entirety seems to be nothing but a pallid background for the giant spiritual lightbulb he is. Sometimes I thought he might have actually been joking.

If you want an interesting story about the Way of Saint James, you’re looking for it in the wrong place here. You’re not going to find anything about walking either. There are hardly any observations about landscapes or culture. And since other people are practically non-existent throughout the whole book, there is really not much left to fill its 262 endless pages, except for a massive blow of hot air straight from the vents of the bullshit factory.

dogs forcing their will on Paulo Coelho

Here’s a gem: “Watching me, the dog forced his will upon me.” I bet it did. And maybe it even wrote this book.

Now does PC make it to the top of my personal shit-list? Well, there is still the possibility that he was just taking the piss out of everyone, which would be kind of funny.

I was going to give this book a rating of 2 because the style of writing itself wasn’t that bad, but on second thought that made it even worse. If PC can write so well, then why does he come up with such a turd? So anyway I took those one point and gave it to one of Brazilian’s finest: Max Cavalera. Just in case he ever needed a 11/10 rating from me.

Ok thanks bye, I have to go look for my sword now.


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